Clitoral massager A clitoral massager is one of the top female sex toys you can get when it comes to helping women achieve orgasm. 75% of women need clitoral stimulation to achieve an orgasm and that is exactly what these clit stimulation toys are designed to do. There are all sorts of clitoral vibes available from the large and powerful wand vibrators to the much smaller bullet vibes. These bullets can be used alone or with a partner during sex too as they are small enough to not get in the way. Recently there has also been a rise in toys that mimic oral sex using suction and pulsing waves around the clitoris, rather than vibration alone to bring the user to orgasm. There are a lot of clitoral toys to choose from and the best clitoral vibrator is dependent on what you like and how you want to use the toy. Butt plug
Female sex toys aren’t only targeted at the vulva and the vagina, though. Butt plugs have seen a huge increase in popularity over the past few years as sex toys have become more mainstream. Butt plugs come in varying shapes and sizes and are designed to create a full feeling in the anus. You can wear a butt plug during masturbation or during partnered play to give the body even more sensation as your sphincter muscles tighten around the plug. A lot of people also use butt plugs to prepare their body for anal sex. They are used to relax and stretch the muscles making the entry of a penis or a larger toy easier and more comfortable. You can also look for a vibrating butt plug for even more stimulation to the booty, or even a tail butt plug for animal role play or to look super cute.
Anal beads If you want to explore anal play but a butt plug seems a little intimidating, then another option is to start off with a set of anal beads. Anal beads are a chain of connected spheres starting small and gradually increasing in size. What makes them so great for beginners is that the beads only need to be inserted as far as you feel comfortable with and you will still get all the amazing benefits. That is because anal beads stimulate the nerve endings at the opening of the anus. This area has thousands of nerve endings, much more than the internal canal, and it is the entry and removal of the beads which offers the most pleasure. This is another toy which can be used alone or with a partner during any kind of play. Try slowly removing the beads during or before orgasm as it can make your orgasm feel a whole lot more intense. Nipple clamps The nipple tends to be one of the erogenous zones of the body that is often overlooked by sex toy users. This is because nipple clamps are commonly associated with pain rather than pleasure. And while this can be the case in some instances, it all comes down to which type of clamp you are using. Nipple clamps work by pinching the nipples and restricting blood flow to the area. If tugged on when being worn, this can cause some pain (which of course, some people will love), but their main purpose is actually the effect when the clamps are removed.
Once removed from the body, the blood is able to return to the nipple creating a rush of sensation and endorphins. After removal the nipple will be more sensitive and responsive to touching, licking, or pinching. If you are new to nipple clamps, look for a style that is adjustable so you can find the level of pressure you like. Tweezer clamps, alligator clamps, or butterfly clamps are all adjustable styles that are ideal for beginners. Handcuffs While most female sex toys can also be used with a partner, there are toys that are designed specifically for this too. Handcuffs are a great entry toy for those starting to get into sex toys and bondage play. Handcuffs are restraint toys for attaching two wrists together or attaching a wrist to something else like a bedpost or chair to restrain movement and the ability to touch from the wearer. The point of this style of toy is to remove the wearer’s ability to touch or move and heighten the rest of the sensitivity on their body. It is also a great way to ease into power play and explore dominant and submissive roles in a relationship.
Other sex toys for women The above are some of the top-rated female sex toys but there are still other options to consider. Kegel balls or ben wa balls are another popular option that also has great benefits for the health of your pelvic floor, or you could try something like a finger vibe or vibrating panty. These last two are particularly fun as a first time sex toy when you are playing with someone else too. What are the best sex toys for beginners? Finding the best sex toys for beginners is actually an easy task if you know what to look for. Start with a toy for an area that you know you get great pleasure from and start small. At least if a toy is too small you can still use it, whereas if a toy is too big you may struggle to use it properly or even to use it at all. And, no matter what type of toy you start with, make sure you always buy high-quality sex toys. This doesn’t mean you need to buy the most expensive toy out. Check out reviews from customers and make sure you are finding a toy that is body safe and is going to last more than a couple of uses.
The world of sex toys has never been more inviting, inclusive, and destigmatized than right now, offering new possibilities for women and other marginalized identities to explore their sexualities. Or at least, that’s what should be happening in theory. Over the past several years, a wave of feminist sex tech companies has revolutionized the male-dominated industry by redefining toys as part of sexual health rather than an illicit perversity. With groundbreaking products engineered for a wider variety of bodies, shame-free messaging, gorgeously empowering design, and anti-male gaze marketing, companies like Dame, Maude, Crave, and Unbound ushered us into a new era of pleasure tech.
Lingerie“We're living through a golden age of sex toys, a kind of a renaissance where we have access to such incredibly well-constructed and innovative products,” said Ian Kerner, a sex counselor, psychotherapist, and author of She Comes First. “We're living through a golden age of sex toys." The trend shows no sign of stopping, either. A 2018 global market report projected the industry would reach $35 billion by 2023, tracing its growth to this repositioning and rebranding, and the public’s overall “increase in openness, drive for excitement and adventure, passion for quirky products and heightened desire for experimentation.”
Culturally speaking, the sex toy stigma grows more extinct by the day. But it hasn't wholly disappeared. “The shame has lessened, but for some women buying a tool exclusively for their own sexual pleasure is still a big leap,” said Hallie Lieberman, author of Buzz: A Stimulating History of the Sex Toy. “A lot of women still don't think that they deserve that or that it will reflect poorly on who they are as a woman.” To be fair to us, counteracting centuries if not millennia of internalized shame from heteronormative patriarchal society is tough. Many of us might not even fully realize where our hesitation to experiment with sex toys really comes from. When sex toy company TENGA’s 2019 Self-Pleasure Report survey asked participants why they didn’t, 49 percent answered with a variety of expected anxieties and shame. But an overwhelming 54 percent simply said it was because they didn’t think they “needed” one. Judging from the well-documented gender disparity in orgasms in heterosexual intercourse, though, it’s clear our notions of who “needs” to (or gets to) feel satisfied in the bedroom is not equal.
“One of the most common reactions to the thought of using sex toys if you haven’t before is, ‘Oh, those aren’t for me.’ At least, that’s the initial thought I had before I owned a vibrator and lubricant,” said Polly Rodriguez, now CEO and co-founder of her own sex toy company, Unbound. (Note: We’re mostly focusing on heterosexual women and couples here because TENGA’s survey and the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior conducted by Indiana University both suggest LGBTQ folks — especially those with labias — are way ahead of the curve, disproportionately making up the demographic already participating in the sex toy revolution. In this rare case, the straights need more help getting past a heteronormative shame. For LGBTQ folks looking for advice, both Unbound's and Dame’s blogs publish fantastic LGBTQ-focused guides.) Mashable Image The Crescendo is designed to fit a variety of bodies and sexual orientations. Scroll to the end for a full review. Credit: Mashable Composite: Mystery Vibe / Bob Al-Greene / Mashable As it turns out, despite years of slut walks and the anti-slut-shaming movement, the fear of being categorized as a hypersexual woman still rears its head. But not wanting to be one of “those” women who “needs” a sex toy goes even deeper than that.
It comes back to the historied, outdated (not to mention heteronormative) belief that women’s pleasure should only come from a man, and that her sexual awakening should happen with him during intercourse. “It’s like, if I have to use this technology to get off, it feels like I’ve failed as a woman,” Lieberman explained. The focus on the phallus as a more “natural” form of female pleasure is why dildos that mimic the male anatomy were such a central focus of the sex toy industry for so long, despite the fact that many other types of toys — like those for clitoral stimulation — were found to be more satisfying to more women. Some of women’s sex toy shame can be blamed on Freud, Kerner said. He incorrectly theorized that clitoral orgasms were an immature state of a woman’s sexual development, with properly functioning females eventually maturing into vaginal orgasms. “He never described how this would happen,” said Kerner. “But there’s still this idea that somehow clitoral orgasms aren’t ‘real’ orgasms.” "If I have to use this technology to get off, it feels like I’ve failed as a woman.” Meanwhile, research suggests 37 percent of people with vaginas need clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm, while only 18 percent said penetration alone was enough. Yet the unrealistic ideals of what women’s pleasure should look like persists, despite being incompatible with how most people with vaginas reach climax.
“What I hear from some women is that introducing a vibrator into sex is an indirect admission that something is wrong, that the intercourse isn’t working. And rather than thinking, ‘Well, there’s probably a good reason for why it isn’t working for me,’ they instead internalize that as feeling sort of broken or defective,” said Kerner. “So you have a lot of women coming in and asking, ‘What's wrong with me? Why can't I get off the normal way?” This unconscious fear is closely tied to another common myth around sex toys: that they’ll replace human (presumably male) partners who can’t satisfy women as well as the technology. SEE ALSO: Why did Tinder make a show about the apocalypse? We drank margaritas and found out. Who can forget the Sex in the City episode when Charlotte needs a “Rabbit intervention” so she can stop getting off so much to her vibrator and go back to being in a real relationship. Lieberman even pointed to this trope being in one of the earliest Greek plays, Lysistrata, where women threaten to replace the men at war with dildos.
In the modern age, the fear that women will become so addicted to toys manifests in memes comparing sex toys to partners, or even Cardi B in Hustlers boasting that her pink vibrator is the best and only boyfriend she will ever need. Mashable Image The Fin is a life-changing partnered sex vibrator. Scroll to the end for a full review. Credit: Mashable Composite: Dame / Bob Al-Greene / Mashable Women in heterosexual relationships still often worry that asking to introduce a vibrator or toy into the bedroom will make their partner feel emasculated. In his work with couples, though, Kerner has never found this to be the case, with “most men seeming very receptive to wanting to create experiences that are mutually pleasurable.” If that’s a particular worry, though, partnered sex toys can alleviate the stress of making it about your pleasure alone.
The highly-rated (and also woman co-founded) Crescendo from MysteryVibe is ideal for beginners looking for versatility, designed for solo or partnered play, various positions, and various bodies and sexual orientations, too. For me, something as ingeniously simple, unintimidating, and Intuitive as Dame’s Fin was nothing short of revolutionary, leading to my first simultaneous orgasm with a partner ever. “The new wave of sex toys have opened people up to the idea that toys and masturbation are not in opposition to a relationship. It’s not one or the other. Women don’t have a limited amount of sexual energy,” said Lieberman. Still, the myth of sex toy “addiction” or that vibrators cause permanent desensitization or make it impossible to cum any other way persists. Luckily, there is zero empirical evidence to support these concerns. "Women don’t have a limited amount of sexual energy.” What’s funny, Lieberman noted, is that concerns over vibrators being addictive only started in the 1930s, once sex toys began being openly sold in markets rather than controlled by doctors. That’s when the concept of “dildo attachment” came into the conversation, which claimed to make women stop wanting sex with their husbands.
Sexy LingerieAt worst, Kerner said, vigorous habitual use of a sex toy can simply cause over-familiarity with that specific intense sensation that can’t be replicated by a person. But that’s no different than men who develop difficulty climaxing during intercourse because they masturbate with a very tight grip that can’t be replicated during penetration. Both are easily fixed with a simple break. “Just stop using it for a few days. It’s not heroin. You can put it to the side, and use your hand or go manual with your partner, and it will return to being just as pleasurable,” said Lieberman. One legitimate health concern, however, relates to the type of material used for sex toys. Rodriguez emphasized the importance of medical-grade rather than food-grade silicone, since they often go inside the most absorbent parts of your body. Be very wary of buying anything on Amazon, which often sells knock offs. On the other hand (pun intended), what more masturbation can do is actually improve your capacity to orgasm in general, and give you the space to learn exactly what kind of touch and sensations you like, which you can then communicate to your partner. But outside of its benefits in partnered sex, the power of sex toys is about rediscovering what pleasure means and feels like to you alone. Mashable Image Vibe is one of the cheapest, most beloved beginner toys. Scroll to the end for a full review. Credit: Mashable Composite: Maude / Bob Al-Greene / MASHABLE “I think masturbation is one of the healthiest things we can do when it comes to understanding and appreciating our bodies. For me, and for many in our community, self-pleasure helps us reclaim our bodies for ourselves,” said Rodriguez.
At 21, she underwent menopause after a cancer diagnosis and dealt with feeling estranged from her body. “For many who experience trauma, it can be a truly healing process to redefine your sexuality for yourself.” Another more practical concern for first-time sex toy buyers, found in both the TENGA survey and Unbound’s own community survey, was price. Quality toys can be an investment, and the sheer variety of different types, sensations, and textures can feel paralyzing when you have no reference point for what you like. That’s why the best first toys are reasonably priced, straightforward, and versatile (scroll to the bottom for our best recommendations). People with labias often find the most success when starting with clitoral stimulators like bullets or lipstick vibes. Unbound has a quarterly, affordable subscription box designed for newbies trying to expand their erotic repertoire.
One revolutionary policy Dame made in order to help get over this barrier to entry goes radically against a key industry-standard: They accept returns. (Unbound accepts partial returns for used toys). “First of all, be proud of yourself for buying the toy.” Their policy changed after CEO Alexandra Fine and her co-founder reevaluated the reasons behind this industry standard, which claims that returns are unhygienic. But the more they thought about it, it became clear that other companies accepted returns despite their product being unhygienic to resell, like Casper mattresses and Thinx panties. “What that kind of policy is almost saying is, ‘Hey, your vagina is disgusting. Obviously, we can’t take returns.’ That in itself has shame built into it, and is counter to us creating a shame-free experience,” said Fine. “We want you to feel comfortable letting us know that something didn't work for you. Then, we can help you find something that does.” Still, even when we can get over all those initial walls of shame and finally buy a sex toy, it’s very normal to then face a whole other wave of shame while actually using it. But there are lots of ways to get past that, too.
“First of all, be proud of yourself for buying the toy,” said Lieberman. “Then, accept that your first few experiences may be awkward. I mean, what was your first experience of sex with another person like? You don’t know what you’re doing. It's a new technology that you're learning. It could even feel weird at first if you've never had something vibrating on your genitals. That's OK, too.” Try everything alone first, and on the lowest power setting first — possibly even over your panties or even a towel for clitoral stimulators. People vary on level of sensitivity. Mashable Image Vesper's a gorgeous necklace/vibrator confronts the sex toy taboo head-on. Scroll to end for a full review. Credit: Mashable Composite: Crave / Bob Al-Greene / MASHABLE Overall, one of the best pieces of advice I ever got while joining the sex toy revolution is to treat each new toy like a new sexual partner. Give yourself time to learn how it fits your body, or whether it’s a good match at all. View your early experiences as exploratory rather than setting the expectation to cum, which puts undue pressure on you and your new friend. And honestly, unless you’ve purchased from one of these new women, femme, and non-binary-led sex toy makers, do your best to ignore the marketing and promises on the packaging. Often, you’ll find images of scantily clad women that project a false picture of what masturbation looks like. In reality, it looks more like you in pajamas and a face mask.